The Real Pat Blair

Matt writes:
…You know what? These verses (and all the others about speech inviting a beating, or your words being like a nuclear bomb, laying waste to all in their path) apply even if you didn’t mean what the listener heard. And you know what else? You can’t just fall back on “well, that’s not what I meant” because regardless, a person was hurt by your words…
(You should probably read the rest of his post so my response makes at least some sense)

Since I am familiar with this particular situation, allow me to offer some insight. Firstly, Prov. 26:18-19 doesn’t apply. Shame on you for using it out of context. No one DECEIVED a neighbor, nor did anyone say that they were joking.
As far as the body of the blog, in this particular situation, those verses (probably) apply, because your (and my) speech was not building up others, and was, in fact, fairly negative. I would like to examine this on a more general level, though, not just one that is specific to a particular event. Let me offer a hypothetical.
Suppose that after a U2 concert, upon meeting the band, I say to the Edge, “I really enjoyed your playing tonight, I thought it was wonderful.” If Bono overhears these comments, he may think to himself, “He complimented Edge, but not me, he must think I am a terrible singer,” and he is thus offended/hurt by my speech (hey, I said it was a hypothetical, and I wasn’t kidding).
According to your blog, I am at fault. I vehemently disagree with that assessment. Words have meaning, and we absolutely should NOT be held accountable for the thoughts/actions of others when our thoughts/actions were completely pure. If someone ignores the meaning of my words (this includes context), the fault is not mine, but theirs. I realize, again, that this is a big hypothetical (on a myriad of levels), and it is a rare instance when someone can say that my behavior in a situation was 100% pure; however, I think some critical analysis exposes a gaping fundamental hole in your statements. So there ;-).
With THAT said, I, also, would like to apologize anyone whom I may have offended, especially in specific recent incidents. I feel rotten. And a personal apology will be made, but I don’t want anyone to misread this as belligerence on my part, because that is not the case at all. I’m sorry.

Some snippets…

I have reached 100 comments, and remarkably quick. I am told that a lot of people read this, which is fascinating, frightening, and flattering (alliteration, +3) all at the same time. Thanks for the support, and I will do my best to continue to be good. Well, to not suck. Actually, let’s just say that I will to my best to maintain or reduce, but not increase, the current levels of suckiness. That is my pledge to you.

Rock n’ roll is a state o’ mind.

More food for thought: Proverbs 18:6.

Speaking of which (the 1st and 3rd things, not the 2nd… well, maybe… whatever), it would probably be best if people who want to post comments do so under their own names from now on. While amusing, this could be a troublesome trend (alliteration, +2). Also, I have noticed that my sister has a tendency to post comments which are informative, insightful, and brief (all things that I am not). I would like to publicly acknowledge her contributions, and say, “Thanks.” I appreciate them, even if everyone else is worried about being sissy la la’s (repeated use of stupid term, -17.3).

Rock and roll stopped the traffic.

I am sort of shocked, surprised, and stupefied (alliteration, +3) by the recent massive increase in the use of the Pat Blair Patented Blogging Point System (PBPBPS). Especially since the key feature is that I make it up as I go along. As a note, a key word in that sentence was probably I. It was “invented” as a way for me to point out things that entertained me, as well as indicating when terrible grammar was intentional vs. when it was not. Actually, I guess it’s OK that the whole thing has ballooned, because it’s pretty entertaining, especially since the PBPBPS is complete BS. On a more serious note, though, is anyone else frightened by the fact that someone is keeping score on their life? I’m afraid that I’ll end up with a nastily negative number (waaaay too much alliteration, -36,000).

I was going to post something else today, but, given the amount of attention that the FemBlog has drawn, I figured that I’d save the big blog for the weekend. Of course, this has turned out to be pretty big (I do ramble at times), so maybe it’s a moot point (like me wanting to tell her that I love her).

Speaking of the FemBlog, I am shocked at the near non-reaction to a certain link contained therein. I was all proud of myself for being shocking and controversial and witty and cutting edge and smart-alek all at the same time (generally I can only be 3-4 of those simultaneously), and I managed to create no waves whatsoever. Next time I’m going to so ridiculously clever that no one else gets it, it’ll be just for my own amusement… like it was this time. Bah.

Don’t forget: it’s Thursday, and you know what that means: Trick or Treating (for those that live in the strange state of Iowa, where they do it on the 30th… people here are weird). But it ALSO means that The Rock is tonight at Mo’Jazz. Same as last week: all ages, no cover, doors at 6:30. See you there!

Apparently the ISU Feminists (see, we’re getting ironic already) were having a fundraiser on campus the other day. I can’t find any news about this to link to, so I think that is evidence enough as to how important/successful this event was, but that is beside the point. As several of my friends were walking past, one commented to the other that he was going to go ask if they’d clean his room if he gave them money. This, by itself, is incredibly funny, but it gets better. What were the Feminists doing to raise money? A bake sale.
Now I don’t want to be accused of chauvinism, here, but isn’t that akin to an anti-obscenity group selling Playboy to raise money, or the Catholic Church giving away condoms to publicize their stance on birth-control? (”bad” link humor: -6) As I said, I can’t find any news clippings about this (including on their own website); maybe the irony was intentional on their part. Maybe they were trying to use symbolism to shed light on the evil, phallocentric patriarchy that is the United States (use of the word “phallocentric,” + 650). Maybe they sold cookies to women at a 70% discount, in honor of the complete false statistic that women get paid 70% less than men for doing the same job. On the other hand, maybe they needed money, and the only thing they were good at was baking cookies.
I will now make a side-note to keep the rest of you occupied while angry women are compose hate-mail with their pink Barbie pens and their cute Hallmark stationery. I cannot believe that the word “phallocentric” is not included in the Microsoft Word dictionary. Certainly in a company the size of Microsoft, there is someone enlightened enough to realize the plight of women in this society. It must be Bill Gates, plotting to keep womyn (incorrect use of a ‘y,’ +1920; obscure constitutional reference(s), +19) in positions of inferiority, like the way he lets his wife run their giant charitable organization. What a jerk.
Ok, that’s enough for now. Next time I’ll reify more injustices through critical discourse on why the word “Feminist” is a misnomer. For one thing, it doesn’t have nearly enough y’s.

***

And now for something completely different…
Apparently, a massive solar flare is going to hit Earth today, causing all kinds of satellite and communications disruptions, but also causing “colorful auroras” that will be visible as far South as Texas. There’s nothing that will put the fear of God (back?) in you like some beautiful destruction. I’m no sissy la la stargazer, but I may decide to go out tonight and watch some explosions.

School Cooks, Custodian Claim $95M Powerball Ticket
I had no intention of posting this, but it is the feel-good story of the month, and it really made my day. A group of 15 cooks and 1 custodian from from Holdingford High School in Avon, MN won half of the $190 million Powerball jackpot. Apparently they’d been playing since 1990, with everyone chipping in a quarter from every paycheck. The best part: the group delayed verification of the winning ticket because THEY ALL WENT TO WORK ON MONDAY. Said Karen Overman: “I know there’s a need for news conferences in the morning, but we’ve got breakfast to put out.”
Not only that, but most of them plan on keeping their jobs for the time being. I wonder how many schools in the United States have multi-millionaires cooking lunch and scrubbing toilets? It just makes me all warm and happy deep down inside. Good thing I have ice running through my veins (and a heart 3 sizes too small), or I might be jumping up and down and laughing right now.

I have quite a few of these on the way, so pay close attention, and don’t forget to make sure that you haven’t missed anything. I think we’ll start with some good news, then update later on with the bad news, then conclude with the odd news. This could be an informative day or so.
The good news: I had a surprise meeting with my group leader and boss at work today. No, I still have a job. The news wasn’t THAT good. I have been given a promotion of sorts, though. Beginning in November, I will be teaching a 4-week class on Business Auto Processing. This is amusing since I finished learning how to do Business Auto Processing less than 3 months ago, but apparently I’m now considered an expert (either that or expendable).
What does this grand venture into education mean? Well, let’s see. Will I get paid more for this? No. Will I be more stressed? Probably. Is it an “official” promotion? No. Can I at least put it on my resume? Yes. So it’s at least worth some brownie points? Absolutely. Did I want to teach after I graduated college? Not particularly. If I were going to teach, would I have been better off just getting a Masters and picking a subject that I liked? Well, yes, except for that whole, “extra years of college,” thing. What about teaching music or guitar lessons? Yeah, that would have probably been the way to go if I wanted a career in education. So wait a minute, why in the heck am I doing this? Because it is something new, different, and challenging. Also, teaching a 4 hour class in the morning means that I probably won’t run out of work until early afternoon, now, instead of early morning.
More questions! Am I going to make a syllabus? That’s what I’m doing right now. Any other changes? I’m thinking about buying some really ugly, mismatched clothing from several decades ago, developing an incomprehensible foreign accent, ceasing all personal hygiene-related activities, and becoming a pompous, aloof, arrogant, condescending jerk. Will THAT get me fired?
I guess we’ll find out.

Stay tuned for more updates!

I would like to offer this for all my detractors. Or attractors. Or protractors. Or anyone who knows me, really.

Is it bad that most of my life at age 24 is accurately portrayed in a comic-strip about a perpetual 15-year-old?

Have you ever known someone who believes in something so strongly that they end up ignoring logic, facts, and pretty much everything else, choosing to blindly press on in the face of common sense? No, I’m not talking about Morpheus. I’m referring to those who oppose the partial-birth abortion ban.
If you don’t know what a partial-birth abortion is by now, you obviously have been paying no attention whatsoever to the news and/or world around you, but I will give you a brief, accurate explanation in layman’s terms. A baby is delivered half-way. Since half of the child is still in the mother’s womb, it is technically considered a “fetus,” even though the child is alive and functioning on its own. This legally enables the “doctor” to siphon the child’s brain from his/her head, after, of course, cracking open his/her skull. Timing is very complex, because if the baby is more than halfway out of the mother, this is clearly infanticide (read: murder). If the child is less than halfway out, it is simply a medical procedure to “terminate an unwanted fetus.” Does that make you nauseous? It should.
The Senate, following the lead of the House, voted overwhelmingly to ban this procedure, and President Bush has promised to sign the ban, unlike his predecessor, who twice vetoed similar legislation. Americans, of course, largely favor such a ban, presumably because they are smart enough to recognize cold-blooded killing when they see it. In fact, who could possibly object to such a law? Well, most pro-choice activists, it seems.
If you read the foxnews.com article (2nd link in the 1st paragraph), you see quotes from the usual suspects like Barbara Boxer, Howard Dean, and even Iowa’s own Tom “Dung Heap” Harkin. They argue that the bill makes no provision for instances where the life of the mother is at risk, even though such an instance never has and never will occur. Common sense, as well as medical history and testimony from medical experts, show that there are no situations in which killing a half-born baby would save the life of a mother. Doctors have testified, and no refutation has been provided. Apparently pro-infanticide activists weren’t paying attention, or just don’t care.
The most telling quote of them all comes from Sen. Harkin: “I say to the women of America: this is step one (towards reversing Roe v. Wade).” This gives lie to all the arguments about health of mothers. Everyone who opposes outlawing this form of baby-killing does so because they fear a reversal of Roe v. Wade. Regardless of your views on this issue, it is undeniable that partial-birth abortion is an utterly reprehensible practice. The fact that activists refuse to acknowledge this fact is a black eye for their credibility. If these ideologues are so blind to the truth that they cannot be trusted to denounce the killing of fully capable, fully functioning human beings, then they do not deserve our trust or our respect.

Today I was going to write about the soon-to-be-signed partial-birth abortion ban, but I’ve changed my mind. I am not up for something that heavy, so I’ll put that off until later when I can do some more extensive research and get really worked up about it. It’s one of my ‘pet’ issues, so I want to be sure that I drop a good blog on it. Hehehehe… oh, never mind.
So instead, I’ll take on the much lighter subject of life in general. I can tell already that this is going to be a long day (I’m sorry ‘bout the attitude I need to give when I’m with you). So, life in general (isn’t that an MxPx album?) is looking rather hazy right now, as, I suppose, it usually does. I’m getting to the point where it’s time to put in for a promotion at work (or non-work, as I like to call it, because there is NOTHING TO DO) or leave or do something. I excel at my current job, but it is not fulfilling. I was thinking about it this morning, and even if they did choose to fire 2 people and pay me 3 times as much (which, given how much I can get done when there actually is something to do, would be a complete fair thing to do), I don’t think I would stick around for all that long. Yes, more pay would be nicer, but eventually even the novelty of that would wear thin. I am bored and unengaged, and that makes it very, very difficult to find satisfaction in this. Especially when the printer runs out of toner. PC Load Letter, anyone? Soon, soon I shall be doing something more interesting than processing. I hope.
So now what? Well, that’s a good question. I thought about buying a house (that way I wouldn’t feel so temporary about myself), but I don’t have the money for a down-payment, and who knows where I’ll be in 10 years. So then I thought about making a 10-year plan. Matt has a 10-year plan, so why shouldn’t I? Where am I going to be in 10 years? Where do I WANT to be in 10 years? Hmm, maybe we should go for 5 instead. So what is my vision? I don’t know. How about 2 years? Don’t know. One? Don’t know. OK, fine, what about a 10-WEEK plan? Where am I going to be in 10 weeks? Probably doing the same thing I am right now. Argh (one word, 3 consonants, one vowel: +3 points; non in Microsoft spell-checker: -23). Manic depression’s a frustrating mess, and it definitely feels like I’m going nowhere. It also feels like I’m starting to get whiny, so I think I’ll stop now.
On the plus side, I think that I’ll award myself 2/3 of a point for the sheer number of links and obscure references included today. Hooray!

Apparently they don’t install cruise control on new cars anymore. I was under the impression that it was a fairly standard option on newer automobiles, or at least I was right until about 6:00 this morning. Why else would someone rapidly pull up behind me, headlights at blinding levels? And, when I change lanes to allow them to pass, why would they stay motionless, relatively speaking, continuing to blind me? Furthermore, why would they drive up beside me, perhaps slightly in front of me, and then slow to the point where I am driving faster than they are? Are these rhetorical questions? Why do you ask?
On the same theme, why is traffic randomly heavier on some days than others? Do morons have meetings during which they choose specific days to aggravate the rest of the population? I even left a little early this morning, and there were twice as many cars as normal? Does this make any sense? Should I try leaving late, instead? It seems like an absurd suggestion, but would that work better? And why, WHY, after all these years, do people insist on driving more slowly in the LEFT lane than traffic in the RIGHT??? They even put up SIGNS in some areas, but do you pay any attention? Is it just me, or do you people need to have a quick meeting with a baseball bat?
What is wrong with these people? Should I even be surprised by this anymore? Why do I still let it bother me? I guess today I have a lot of questions but no answers. Am I starting to take my own advice?

(Assessing one point for each question asked, today’s score is +17. Thank you for playing, and have a nice day!)

Proverbs 18:2