The Real Pat Blair

The Lone Strangers head into the studio tonight to start recording our EP. We’ve changed the tentative title to “Trying and Failing,” which, I think is rather apt (though we’ve already overcome at least 1 near-disaster, and we haven’t even started yet). I share this information not as a shameless plug for my band, but as a shameless plug for my band AND an explanation to why the blogging might slow a bit over the next week.
In addition to what I manage to throw up on this site (text, not barf), I am going to try to keep a studio journal on the Strangers’ page for posterity’s sake (meaning that it will be there, but no one will ever care to read it), so there will be plenty of material to keep you occupied while you are waiting to receive the gift of our collective musical genius in the form of a round plastic disc. Today, I have two things for you. First, a Wall Street Journal article on the great importance and influence of blogs. Why, no, it is not at all self serving for me to post this. It is an interesting read, though.
Secondly, the Quote of the Day. My sister posted an excerpt of this yesterday, but I thought it was brilliant enough to include the full text. From an ABC News “interview” with Peter Jennings, John Kerry responds to the question: “Both President Clinton and Vice President [Al] Gore had called in their time on Hollywood for less violence and less sex. Do you feel a need to do the same thing?” The emphases are mine.

Yes, I think there should be less violence and less sex. And when I talked about the heart and soul [of America], I’m talking about the artistic expression. I’m talking about sort of the, I mean, I believe in the arts. I think that there’s a great expression in it, and there’s always this struggle. You know, does life imitate art or art imitate life? Which comes first? It’s a little of both.
I do think we have a responsibility, as leaders, to stand up. I think there were people at that, at that concert we had in New York who stepped over the line. I’ve said that. They don’t speak for me. They speak for themselves. I will stand up and struggle, as others have, to try to get that right balance between violence, and sex, and things.

Man, he sure has a way with words.

No one has ever accused me of being soft on crime. In fact, I’m pretty sure that no one has ever accused me of being soft on ANYTHING, except for maybe just a little bit around the waist-line. If they could build large structures out of “Pat” instead of “steel,” they would. After all, they might get old and crusty, but they’d never be rusty. What I’m saying is that if I were a judge and you were a criminal, you would certainly hope that we’d never be in the same room at the same time: I believe in laying down the smack (and the law, too).
However, I think that, just as people should be punished for their misdeeds, they should also be rewarded for doing the right thing. That’s why I was a bit disappointed (and yet simultaneously highly amused) to hear about some poor souls down in the thriving metropolis of Rogersville, Tennessee (located between Frankville and Jethro City, and just south of Cletustown, if you were curious). When a faulty control panel at the Hawkins County Jail left a cell block unlocked, four inmates seized the opportunity to get a taste of sweet, sweet freedom. Er, beer. That’s right, instead of running free, they ran for beer. And then they came back. What better place than to kick back and enjoy a cold one than E-Block?
The four inmates (proud, middle-name using rednecks Ridgy Dean Coleman, Jimmy Joe Stapleton, David Wayne Blizzard, and David Allen Hopkins, for those keeping score at home), obviously planning ahead, propped the fire-exit door open using a Bible (possibly asking the Lord for help with breaking back in to jail), made a small hole in a fence, and, quite literally, went to town. At the local market, they bought four cases of beer (one each, in the spirit of moderation), and then returned to the prison, possibly still hoping to get in a good night’s sleep. Instead, they were all charged with “escape and introduction of intoxicants into a penal institution.” (I would like to point out that, had I written the story, I would have phrased it “introduction of intoxicants into a prison” or “into a detention facility,” which would have been equally accurate, but resulted in significantly less snickering).
I think that punishing these prisoners is a horrible mistake. Yes, they broke the rules, but, overall, they behaved with remarkable honesty, especially for a bunch of criminals. This wasn’t a pre-meditated break-out, though they did pre-meditate their return by propping a door open. These guys had a free shot at making a run for it, and they didn’t. What were they thinking!?!? Who knows, maybe they were drunk. All I know is that it seems wrong to punish them for returning to jail.
Besides, they only brought back 4 cases of beer for 36 prisoners in their cell: the punishment that is handed down for that particular ‘crime’ should be more than sufficient.

Work story #1: I had a conversation with my boss yesterday where we discussed my career path. The following conversation actually took place, and the transcript is near-verbatim:

Boss: If you could have any job, what would it be?
Pat: Any job?
Boss: Yeah, not even with this company, necessarily. What is your dream job?
Pat: Rock star.
Boss: (Pause) OK, excluding rock star…

I don’t know if that’s a career-killer or not, but it was certainly precious.

Work story #2: Today was the big semi-annual meeting for our region where all of the employees from all of the departments get together to watch all of the managers discuss our progress by using all of their terrible attempts at humor. The meeting was dull and it took an hour and a half out of my day, but, on the plus side, it took an hour and a half out of my day. And there were coffee and doughnuts, so I can’t complain. Much.
At the very end, the Regional Vice-President (5th level of management above me) had the Regional Officers (4th level) come up and read the names of all of the employees who celebrated major anniversaries (1, 3, 5, 10, etc.) with the company in June and July. All of the employees came to the front of the room and got a hand-shake, tap on the butt, lovely parting gift, or something along those lines. Since I started last June, 402 days ago (not that anyone is counting), I assumed that I would get called upon to stand up and act thrilled. Au contraire!
My name was not called. The names of people I started with were, however. I’d blame an oversight, but they were reading of lists; my Regional Officer may or may not recognize my face, but I’d give odds that he doesn’t know my name, and CERTAINLY doesn’t know when I started. The same is probably true of most people that were on the list. So why did I get passed over? Consistency’s sake?
No, the only reasonable explanation that I can come up with is that several months ago, I was fired, but no one ever told me. But, because of a glitch in the payroll system, I’ve been continuing to receive a check every two weeks. It seems a safe bet that in the near future, someone will fix the glitch and the problem will be ‘taken care of,’ but until then, it’s going to be awfully difficult to get up at 5am for a job that I don’t even have.
You think this hurts my chances for promotion?

***

Quote of the Day
“…After seeing about a thousand rock concerts, my feeling is that rock stars who discuss politics from the stage deserve whatever criticism they get–not for speaking their minds, but for assuming they might have something to say that we need to hear from them. I figure if you’re a pop musician and you feel the need to express your politics, go try to write the next ‘Blowin’ in the Wind.’”
Jim Fusilli in the Wall Street Journal

As I prepare to, one and a half weeks from today, move, I am running into some circumstances that have been previously noted, but which I still find incredible annoying/frustrating/stupefying. I currently have the following services from Qwest: telephone, DSL, and my ISP (the very reasonably (but increasingly more expensively) priced qwest.net). Today I called to get my service transferred.
The first snag that we hit is that I move in to my new house on August 1st, which is a Sunday. In spite of the fact that changing a phone number probably requires absolutely no human involvement whatsoever, it can still only be done on business days. I opted to go with Monday instead of Saturday, which probably means that I’ll be phoneless for the weekend. It’s better than being homeless, but they rhyme, so I’m only guardedly optimistic. There will also be a $33 service charge. Annyoing, but not as bad as this timeline:

6/21 – Call and request change of service as of 7/1.
7/2 – My phone service will be activated, and the phone and DSL of the current residents will be discontinued.
7/3 – Qwest will call to confirm that I want DSL service. In spite of the fact that I have already told them that I do.
7/10 – Our DSL will be activated by this date.

That’s right, the internet, the definition of quick and simple, takes a full week to start working. Even though there is already DSL in the house. The kicker is that if I had taken a different phone number instead of keeping my current one, everything would have been ready to go right away. This, of course, is silly, which is what I told Rebecca, the wonderful lady who was helping me.
I told her that, though I was aware that it was not her fault, it was pretty ridiculous that the company would have to, over the course of a week, disconnect, and then reconnect, my internet, and that I would appreciate it if she passed that on to those that could do something about it.
She assured me that she would pass this on, and not only that, she personally agreed with me. This made be feel a little better, but not much. I have no reason to disbelieve Rebecca, but I also know that, since capitalism works, money speaks louder than words. It is about enough to make me go back to a cable modem and get a cell phone.
But not quite.

There is a heartwarming story today from my hometown of Omaha, Nebraska. The local news has a running coverage of sorts, but foxnews.com provides a nice summary. Given the recent discussions about cleanliness, I thought this seemed appropriate.

An Omaha, Neb., woman’s house is so dirty she may be going to jail.
Two Douglas County judges on Thursday sentenced Rosie Fellman to five days behind bars, in lieu of $5,000 bond, for failing to get rid of the trash piled six feet high in and around her house…
City inspectors first took Fellman to court in May, showing the judge photos of her house with an estimated 114 garbage cans outside. They threatened to have the building razed as a health hazard.
Fellman was given 2½ weeks to clean the place up, then another month when Fellman’s sister tried to appoint a guardian to take control of the house.
“Hopefully, we can get someone [to] take some of her money, clean up the property, eliminate problems with the city so the house doesn’t get bulldozed,” said the sister’s lawyer, who added that Fellman suffered from “hoarding syndrome.”
Neighbors had been complaining about the mess for years, but were afraid to act against Fellman in fear of retribution. None were willing to speak on the record with reporters.
Fellman has sued a neighbor, a former lawyer and city inspectors, seeking $200,000 in damages.
“In her particular case, I don’t believe that she can really, fully comprehend what’s accepted by society,” Fellman’s own attorney, Ralph Peppard, told the TV station.

There are two things of note, here. First, Fellman’s lawyer says that she isn’t capable of understanding the situation at the SAME TIME that she is filing lawsuits against everyone in sight. Nice work there, Mr. Ralph Peppard, Esq. Maybe next you could teach a class on the ethics of morons.
The second thing that I would like to point out is that maybe my house isn’t all that dirty after all.

“N.A.S.C.A.R. stands for ‘Negroes Ain’t Supposed to Come Around Racetracks.’” – Sports guy Al Roker Jr. from Mancow’s Morning Madhouse

“One thing I know, negroes can drive cars fast. I mean, we go through red lights, even [drive] at night with our lights off. We can drive cars fast.” – The Reverend Jesse Jackson

“This isn’t a stick-and-ball sport, it revolves around money. It isn’t like NASCAR is trying to keep it to good ol’ boys.” – Black driver Bruce Driver (who is aptly named).

Let me, from the beginning, be crystal clear about one thing: I could give a crap about NASCAR. Its only usefulness is background noise during my Sunday afternoon naps, and even then, it is vastly inferior to golf, which is really saying something. After all, how useful is televised golf? It serves as a device to keep you a safe distance from the edge of your seat, but that’s about it. And NASCAR is worse. If I wanted to watch a bunch of idiots go in circles for a couple of hours, I’d watch C-SPAN.
No, my interest in NASCAR is purely for illustrative purposes. What sport – and I use that term loosely – could be a better example of the stereotypical toothless, IROC driving, T-top loving, groove-hating, wife-beater sporting, chew spitting, beer swilling honkey redneck? NASCAR is the home of all Jeff Foxworthy’s source material, the stuff Bill Clinton’s dreams are made of, the only place that a professional wrestler ever felt conservatively dressed and mannered. NASCAR is the rodeo of the 21st century, and possibly the saloon, as well. It is the only ’sporting’ event that makes the NHL look racially diverse and sensitive.
Yet here I am, citing quotes about diversity. Why, other than the completely ridiculous Jesse Jackson quote, am I talking about NASCAR? Because it makes a great point. Since no one else will say it, I’m going to: Racism in America is dead. Yes, there are still a few idiot Nazis. Yes, people are still prejudiced. Yes, people will buy, for no apparent reason, “music” by 50 Cent (music like NASCAR is a sport). But here we are, talking about diversity in the last bastion of the Deep South, and none of the Southerners care. Can he drive? Do they come to the track, drink beer, and barbeque? Great, welcome aboard, my friend. Yes, Spike Lee and others are still making atrociously racist comments (about racing’s alleged racism, of all things), but, by and large, somewhere along the line, NASCAR and integration discovered each other, and neither one really seemed to mind.
An anecdote: I was recently in Chicago watching a gentleman named Tom Short do some street-preaching. He drew a pretty crowd throughout the afternoon, and there were some pretty intense discussions, as well as some pretty entertaining ones. The most significant thing, though, didn’t even occur to me until afterwards: it was a completely integrated ‘event.’ There were people of all colors and nationalities and stopped to gawk, listen, shout at, agree with, and/or laugh at Tom. There was division based on political and religious views, but no one really cared what color anyone was. In the middle of a crowded city, with all types of people and all different levels of mental competency, race became irrelevant. We were talking about important things, after all, like God. And tattoos.
I don’t want to become complacent about the racism that IS still in the US. I think anti-Semitism is again becoming acceptable in some circles, and that scares the daylights out of me. But at the same time, it seems like the time has come to sign the death certificate for overt racism. So long, pal. It’s been real. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

***

Quote of the Day: From the State of Michigan’s Common Liquor [license] Violations:
“436.1916 – Dancing, entertainment or topless without a permit”
Who knew that being cited for toplessness was so common up north? Seems kinda counter-intuitive, though.

Oregon is considering a law that would allow “patients” to possess up to 6 (six!) pounds of “medical” marijuana at once. Six POUNDS. Even if all of Balcony Section F at the Dave Matthews Band concert suddenly came down with instant short-term glaucoma, I’m not sure they could use all 96oz. of the stuff. You’d have to buy a separate seat just so there’d be room for the dope – er, I mean, medical supplies: 6 pounds is enough to fill up two grocery carts (I don’t know these things, I just read them).
On the plus side of things, only 7% of registered, cardholding “medical users” in Oregon have cancer, glaucoma, or AIDS. What did the other 93% put on their applications? That they have “a jonze for the herb?” Disease: cotton mouth? Do we need to allow potheads to legally possess SIX POUNDS of the stuff? Who thinks this is a good idea? I don’t mean to get all rhetorical here, but what are these people smoking?
Right, right. But do they really need to have six pounds of it?
On a somewhat related note, an initiative to legalize the wacky weed in Nevada probably won’t make it onto the ballot. The reason: organizers forgot to file some important paperwork. All of this just provides further evidence in proof of one of my great theories about life: anything that is good for Taco Bell is probably bad for the rest of us.

Bill Cosby Unloads Again
This will, no doubt, be all over the news, but I think it’s worth repeating. It’s also important to note that “the Cos” has done this twice now, and shows no signs of backing down. He is a man who has never been afraid to put his money where his mouth is – in fact, his huge donations to black colleges are probably the only reason he can say this stuff – so it will be interesting to see where this goes. Also, he looks bad (in a good way) in those sunglasses.

Let me tell you something, your dirty laundry gets out of school at 2:30 every day, it’s cursing and calling each other n—— as they’re walking up and down the street… They think they’re hip. They can’t read; they can’t write. They’re laughing and giggling, and they’re going nowhere…
For me there is a time … when we have to turn the mirror around, because for me it is almost analgesic to talk about what the white man is doing against us. And it keeps a person frozen in their seat, it keeps you frozen in your hole you’re sitting in…
When you put on a record and that record is yelling `n—– this and n—– that’ and you’ve got your little 6-year-old, 7-year-old sitting in the back seat of the car, those children hear that…
You (black men) have got to stop beating up your women because you can’t find a job, because you didn’t want to get an education and now you’re (earning) minimum wage. You should have thought more of yourself when you were in high school, when you had an opportunity…

Dang.

Recipient of The ‘No Kidding?’ Award:
USA Today: Saddam might exploit every legal technicality

Quote of the Day:
“Over here a vexed question at the beginning of the week was, why did the Coalition of the Willing allow the Iraqis to auspicate their government on Monday rather than on Wednesday as planned? Actually the answer is evident: etiquette. Gentlemen do not begin a government in the middle of the week.”
R. Emmett Tyrrell Jr. in the Washington Times.

Runner Up:
“One of the things you have to love about Memphis: Elvis never left. He could have, obviously. He could have, say, moved to Chappaqua and run for the Senate. He didn’t.”
David Eldridge, also in the Washington Times.

Britney Spears not Pregnant; Still Skank and Homewrecker, Though
Brilliant quotes from the article include:
-On her previous, 55 hour marriage: “That thing was a total ugh.”
-”I kissed a bunch of frogs and finally found my prince.”
-Regarding her fiancés 2-year-old daughter, as well as the child he is expecting (with another woman): “I plan to meet his daughter. I love little ones. I think the situation is good”
-”I definitely want to have some kids. I see myself with four or five. We’re starting with a dog. I just got a Maltese named Lacy.”

Nebraska Therapist Fires Handgun at Unpleasant Memo; Pat to Seek Treatment Immediately

Witness: Scott Peterson Liked Sex Talk; Court Shocked By Suggestion That Peterson Could Be a Sleazeball

Saddam Says Bush is the ‘Real Criminal’; Even John Kerry Snickers, Rolls Eyes – Michael Moore to Use Footage in ‘Fahrenheit’ DVD

Music Sales Up Nearly 7%; RIAA Denies Economy Plays Role, Instead Blames Downloaders. Still.

New Law Allows Owners to Only Use 10% of Their Land; Constitution Screams in Agony
Just for the record, I’m not making this up. Except for the part about the Constitution, maybe. Activists in King County, Washington are trying to enact a law that allows landowners to build on only 10% of the land, and forces them to keep 65% perfectly preserved. This means that if you have an acre of land, you can only build on roughly a 65×65 foot area.
While clearly an egregious violation of private property rights, the County is somehow getting away with this, and I, for one, think it’s ridiculous. The government should not be allowed to tell people what they can and can’t do on their own land. For crying out loud, before you know it, they’ll be telling us we can’t smoke indoors. Oh, wait…