The Real Pat Blair

I have been starting to get grief about my hair recently. Yes, it is longer than it has ever been, but I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. At least I can still grow it. And at least it isn’t this bad. Yet.

I scooped USA Today – check out the nod that I received regarding the Audioslave album.
The best part of this is that I can now quote a top-selling newspaper as saying that I am “hip.”

Audioslave’s next album, Out of Exile, is due in stores May 24. You can listen to it here, now.
I can make no recommendation or comments on suitability, as I am only mid-way through the first track. However, there is great use of the cowbell.

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Update: Where as the last Audioslave album was notable because it sounded like Rage Against the Machine with a little Soundgarden thrown in, this album is notable in that it sounds like neither band. This is good. It sounds, I think, like Audioslave. However, if you were hoping for the next Rage CD, you’ll be disappointed.
You will also be disappointed if you were hoping for new weirdness from Tom Morello. There seems to be very little experimental guitar wanking (that’s the technical term). I, however, am overjoyed that Morello actually plays real, honest-to-goodness solos on this album. Pretty darn good solos, in fact. “Doesn’t Remind Me” is practically Hendrix-esque. After all these years of ridiculousness, I had almost forgotten that, when so inclined, the man can flat-out play.

Sometimes, you just can’t invent stuff this funny, no matter how hard you try:

Stevie Wonder Releases Video For Blind

I bet the editing is stunning.

Who would have thought that a celebrity like U2’s Bono would come to play a show at a little place like Ames, IA? But it happened, and I have pictures to prove it – here, here, and here.
On a completely unrelated note, Kleinke took this sweet photo of me and Matt rocking out at One. I’m envisioning this on a 4ft by 6ft poster, but that may just be because I’m humble. And in front.

You can now watch people being killed on live TV, a sure sign that our culture is doing well.

A while back, I learned that some bigwig in Hollywood had the bright idea of making a Dukes of Hazzard movie. Dukes was my favorite TV show when I was little. I watched religiously. I drove my own toy orange Dodge Charger. I laughed at Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane. What could be better than a Dukes movie? I was hopeful, at least for a while. Then information began to trickle out.
In one of the better casting ideas ever, Willy Nelson plays the role of Uncle Jesse. Unfortunately, it’s all downhill from there. The movie stars Johnny (MTV’s Jackass) Knoxville and Sean William (American Pie’s Stifler) Scott as Bo and Luke. No better, Jessica Simpson is Daisy. And, in one of the WORST casting ideas ever, the role of Boss Hogg is played by none other than Burt Reynolds. Don’t get me wrong, I love Burt (Turd Ferguson) Reynolds, but he is NOT Boss Hogg. Somebody owes me an apology for that.
But certainly it couldn’t be worse, could it?
Well, there is that one thing… the Confederate Flag on top of their car. Which they called the General Lee. You think Hollywood is going to let that happen. Nah. I quote:

A draft of the film’s script has the Duke cousins, unaware of the flag’s presence, trying to figure out why they’re sometimes jeered, at other times cheered as they drive around. (The final release may vary, since scripts are subject to change during shooting, which is under way.)
Eventually, the Dukes pull into a college town and meet a group of African-American students. When Bo Duke asks them for directions, they stare in disbelief at the car. One of them asks, “Is this a joke? Some kind of reality show?” Bo doesn’t understand why they’re upset, and replies he thinks the flag is “cool.” He explains that his friend Cooter, “a Civil War buff,” repaired the car and painted on the flag.
It takes the savvier Luke to size up the situation and explain to Bo that some people find the flag “offensive… a symbol of slavery.” Bo protests, “I don’t want to oppress anybody,” and his cousin affirms this. That’s apparently enough to persuade the African-American students Bo is not a bigot. “No sweat,” says a student, who lets him park the car.

Someone, somewhere, thinks that this is a great idea. They think that it’s good dialogue. They think that it will make everyone happy with the compromise. I think they need a good swift kick to the kneecap. We cannot allow crap like that to go unpunished.
Today was the final straw. I watched the trailer for the movie online. It was so bad that I will not link to it, for fear that you might actually consider watching. It was – and I’m not making this up – the least funny thing I have ever seen. It was embarrassing to watch. They took a piece of classic Americana and turned it into crass humor, a la Starsky and Hutch. Only with worse dialogue.
My name is Pat Blair. You killed my TV show. Prepare to die.

Check out howstuffworks.com’s explanation of the lightsaber. The if they physics is a little thick for you, just skip ahead to practical uses around the house. This might be the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile.

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Today is apparently No Pants Day. While not as cool as Cinco de Moustache, I just figured you might want to know.
I will probably not be celebrating.

Time for a riddle! What do I have in common with famous actors Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds? In addition to guitar, Frank Zappa and I share what other characteristic? I am no athelete, but I am in a special society with 7-time gold-medal winner Mark Spitz.
What are we all celebrating together?
Take a guess.

So, you may be asking yourself, how, other than by growing a sweet one, can I celebrate Cinco de Moustache? Well, it’s quite simple, really! Come to the pre-siesta fiesta on May 5th a la casa rosada.
We’ll start around whenever – it’s a fiesta, there’s no such thing as on time (though it will presumably be post-volleyball) and wrap up when we’re done.
If you’d like to grill, bring some meat. If you think fiestas need food (and I certainly do), bring some soda, chips, and/or munchies. If you’d like to watch a movie other than The Three Amigos, you should probably bring that, too. ¿Piñatas? Ditto.
But, most importantly, don’t forget to bring your moustache.
And camera.