Those of you who know me (or keep decent tabs on this blog) are well aware that I may not be the greatest cook. Though my belt line is starting to indicate otherwise, I will never be accused of knowing my way around a kitchen. Just a buffet line. But last night, I invented what I believe to be a brand new delicacy: Hot Dog Fried Rice.
OK, maybe that should be brand new low-budget white-trash delicacy. Curious? You should be!
Hot Dog Fried Rice
Ingredients
- 2 Hot Dogs
- 1(ish) Cup Uncooked Rice -OR-
- 2(ish) Cups Day-old Cooked Rice (Better!)
- 2 eggs
- Some milk
- Vegetable Oil
- Optional flavor enhancers
- Cinnamon
- Garlic
- MSG
- Onions
- Peppers
- Soy Sauce
- Hot Sauce
- Etc.
Cook rice – OR – take cooked rice out of fridge.
Heat wok (or, if you are like me, frying pan) as HOT as it will go. Then keep heating it. Chop hot dogs into little tiny pieces; symmetry is optional, but recommended. Break and scramble eggs in a separate, inappropriate container (such as a tall, skinny, plastic cup), adding milk and any spices that you’d like.
Pour some vegetable oil on the pan. Use enough to cover the cooking surface, unless your pan cost $1.99 and is hopelessly warped, causing all the oil to run to the perimeter. Then just guess. When all the leftovers have burned off of the pan, filling the kitchen with smoke, add the symmetrical hot dog pieces, as well as any optional veggies. Shake/stir often. The pan, not you.
Note: it is OK to use the ends of the hot dogs while cooking, though it is recommended that you eat those prior to cooking in order to preserve the geometric integrity of the recipe, as well as to prevent excess hunger. Because you no doubt started cooking when you were ready to eat, and that just doesn’t work well.
When the hot dogs look appropriately cooked/seared, add the rice, and possibly spices/sauces. Continue to stir to keep from getting Scorched Rice. After a minute or so, pour in the eggs. This is a good time to add some spices/sauces. Continue stirring until the egg-and-rice combination is cooked. Dump on plate and kitchen floor simultaneously, and add final spices/sauces. Allow to cool briefly, sample, burn tongue, repeat until edible/mouth is so blistered that it no longer detects temperature or flavor.
See, how much easier could it be?
Ghetto? Of course. But you know, it tasted OK. And it gave me an opportunity to use my rice-cooker-that-I-purchased-believing-that-it-was-a-Crockpot. But that’s another story for another day.