I know I’ve practically beaten the political horse to death, but I feel this is too important for me to not share:
More on stupid, digital things that are happening to music next week.
Archive for the ‘Smart Remarks’ Category
More Politics
Saturday, January 5th, 2008Look Who’s Back
Thursday, December 20th, 2007After a nearly 5 month hiatus, I return. Thank you, loyal readers, for checking this site every day, as I know you have, in eager anticipation of a new post. Your 142 vigil has ended – you may now resume everyday life.
What was the cause of the lengthy pause? A number of things, including, but not limited to: new house, new job, lack of enthusiasm, my computer not remembering my password, me failing to adequately nag Matt to reset it, etc, etc. But that is not what’s important now; I am.
What, you might be asking (and if you’re not, you should be), is the catalyst for my triumphant return? Could it be the upcoming Iowa Caucasus? Will I share my wisdom and insight on who the next leader of this great country should be? Yeah, but that’s tomorrow. Today, a discovery so astounding that this blog, known for it’s integral role in the (mockery of the) scientific community, could not look the other direction. No, this landmark study will be commemorated, as so many others, here in these pages of the internet. To what am I referring?
Study Reveals Why Monkeys Shout During Sex
Because they like it? Because monkeys, as a rule, rarely whisper? Because they are mocking the humans that are ADMITTEDLY STUDYING this?
To see if yelling resulted from how vigorous the sex was, the scientists counted the number of pelvic thrusts males gave and timed when they happened…
Counting monkey pelvic thrusts is admittedly “quite weird, but it’s science,” researcher Dana Pfefferle, a behavioral scientist and primatologist at the German Primate Center, told LiveScience.
So you’re counting and timing the pelvic thrusts of monkeys, admitting that you are weird, then trying to brush it off in the name of science? Ladies and gentlemen: your tax dollars.
This is why I work in financial services.
Why I Love Iowa: Reason #458
Thursday, July 5th, 2007Hello?
“(Pause. Pause.) Mr Blair?”
(Strike one.)
Yes?
“I’m sorry to bother you tonight…”
(Strike two.)
“My name is Nate, and I am with the Republican Issues Fund [or something like that], and I was just wondering, if I could take a moment of your time sir, would you like to see Hillary Clinton elected as the next President of the United States?”
Um, not particularly.
“I’m glad to hear that, sir. A President Hillary Clinton means increased taxes and cuts in spending for national defense…”
(Not to mention First Lady Bill Clinton.)
“So I was wondering, sir, if I dropped an envelope in the mail, would you be willing to send us a gift of $75, $100 or more to help stop Hillary Clinton from being elected?”
(Foul-tip – that’s hysterical.) You know, Nate, I’m really not able to do that right now. (Nor am I particularly interested in doing so.)
“I sure understand, sir. What I’ve been doing for a lot of folks with similar situations tonight is that we can send you an envelope in 2-3 weeks. At that point would you be able to help out, even with a smaller gift of $35 or even $50?”
(STEEEEEEE-RIKE THREE! Nate, I have no idea what you stand for or who you support, just that you are from some nameless committee that really, REALLY hates Hillary Clinton. While that, by itself, does have some merit, I am NOT sending you money. For all I know, you could be Obama-ites, or even, God forbid, liberal Christians!)
You know, Nate, the election is quite a ways off, and I have not yet decided who I want to support with my money. But I appreciate the call.
“And thank you for your time, sir.”
(No problem. I’ll send you the bill.)
Pop Culture Update
Wednesday, July 4th, 2007Transformers, the Movie
Universally panned by every critic for lack of plot, acting, and character development, and for being another lame, formulaic Michael Bay movie. Universally loved by nerds everywhere for lack of plot, acting, and character development, and for being another lame, formulaic Michael Bay summer blockbuster with massive, warring robots and ridiculous explosions.
Some quotes from around the internet:
“GIANT… ROBOTS BEATING THE TAR OUT OF EACH OTHER – it’s Shakespearian”
“Spoilers: They’re robots in disguise. Oh, and Snape kills Optimus Prime.”
Sounds like a dollar-theater movie to me!
Smashing Pumpkins – Zeitgeist
This album drops July 10, but they had it on their myspace for awhile, and I acquired a, um, beta version. Better than I had hoped. I was afraid that Billy Corgan would again drink the loudness kool-aid and make an over-produced album with no dynamics or punch (see: Machina). Upon initial review, that appears to not be the case. Yes, the CD should be listened to at the loudest volume possible for true impact, but it really packs a punch when it needs to, which is refreshing.
It’s definitely a Pumpkins disc, but the influences of Zwan (melodies, positivity) and The Future Embrace (cheesy 80’s synths) are obviously there. I am actually surprised by how much I am enjoying it. The only downside is that Billy Corgan is so powerful that no one can tell him to bury his vocals in the mix and cover them with effects (see: the ever-present chorus throughout Siamese Dream). Billy just does not have a great voice, and it should, under no circumstances, be mixed so highly above the guitars. The walls of harmonies are also ridiculous, and inappropriate for the Pumpkins.
But. The songs are good. The guitars are great. Jimmy Chamberlain’s drumming is phenomenal, as always. And, with the exception of the above, the mixes are awesome – huge drums, huge guitar, huge rock. There are a lot of “loud rock bands” out there right now that would do well to take a lesson or twelve from this music.
3.5 stars (out of 5).
Welmore Mile – Good Times & Pumpkin Pie
You can download this 2004 EP for free, and I highly recommend you do so. You should also read Peter Welle’s blog, The John Larroquette Project, on a daily basis. I rarely fail to laugh out loud at least once.
Same goes for the CD. It’s acoustical smart-alek musical awesomeness. Also, my sister was in tears the other night while listening to “The Bee Song.”
The Lone Strangers
…will ride again. Soon. Really.
Instant Karma…
Tuesday, June 26th, 2007…is gonna get you – gonna knock you right on the head…
You Can’t See Nerds on the Radio
Sunday, April 29th, 2007So, the Strangers were on The Garage tonight on 105.1 Channel Q. It was a blast. I’ll put the whole thing up later, but I wanted to get this posted ASAP. Matt couldn’t be there, so we had some fun at his expense:
I just put that on repeat for awhile so I could listen to a few hundred consecutive replays. It doesn’t get old.
Good times, I’m telling you. Good times.
Integrity in Athletics
Tuesday, March 20th, 2007The largest sports/steroids scandal yet is continuing to unfold. According to new reports, eleven professional wrestlers, including Kurt Angle, Randy Orton, Edge, The Hurricane, and Rey Mysterio, received HGH and other steroids from a pharmacy in Alabama. Now, we all know that professional football and baseball players have been using performance enhancing drugs for years, but pro wrestlers? I don’t know about you, but my confidence is shaken.
I fell in love with the then-WWF when I was in 2nd grade (1927). Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, The Iron Sheik, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, The Ultimate Warrior… I could go on and on. Should I? OK, I’ll stop. Anyway, you get the point. I was heartbroken when, in the early 90’s, wrestling suffered from steroid scandals. Ultimately (if wikipedia can be believed) the name of owner Vince McMahon was cleared, and the sport continued, in spite of horrific insinuations by some that wrestling was “fake.”
Intense, over-sized men engaging in hand-to-hand combat in surreal, super-natural, and soap-opera situations? Fake? No, friends, this is simply the life of a professional (as opposed to a crappy amateur) wrestler. To suggest otherwise would be a disservice to these highly trained specimens.
The WWE has, in theory, a substance abuse policy in place, though it seems to be a bit vague. In order to preserve the integrity of the sport, I feel that the records off all athletes associated with using performance enhancing drugs should have an asterisk next to them. It is simply unfair to assume that Kurt Angle would have won all of those matches if he had not been doping. How must his vanquished opponents feel? Cheated, that’s how.
WWE cannot afford to lose the strength of character and honesty for which it is known. Fortunately, 60-year-old president Vince McMahon has the credibility to take a stand against these hard issues and shocking allegations.
The Horrors of Climate Change: Part Deux
Wednesday, March 14th, 2007I wasn’t going to post about the weather again, but after yesterday’s record high of 72°, I feel the need to point out that it is currently 41° and SLEETING. How are you supposed to dress appropriately for weather like this? Yeah, layers, but when I wake up in the morning and have to put on shorts, t-shirt, jeans, long-sleeve shirt, jacket, flip-flops, wool socks, running shoes, snow boots, and parka, it makes it difficult to function.
Freakin’ Iowa.
The Horrors of Climate Change
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007Yesterday in Ames, IA, it was 57 degrees Fahrenheit. Though this was really only slightly above the average high of 45° (and well off the mark of the day’s record high and low of 72° and -11°), it seemed a bit strange. Perhaps because I went on a long motorcycle ride while there was still significant amounts of snow on the ground, which was left over from two weekends of an ice/snow extravaganza (probably about 2 feet, all told).
Today in Ames, IA, it was 72 degrees Fahrenheit. It’s a beautiful day for golf, except for all of the snow on the fairways. No big deal, except that in the Wal-Mart parking lot, there are still mounds of plowed snow that are OVER TEN FEET HIGH. It is so warm in my apartment that I was considering turning on the AC, but then I remembered that I could just go outside and make snow angels.
Have I mentioned that I love Iowa?
***
In related news, a trek to the North Pole, designed to call attention to global warming (because, really, who hasn’t heard of it yet), was halted due to extremely cold temperatures.
A North Pole expedition… was called off after one of the explorers got frostbite. …extreme cold temperatures drained the batteries in some of their electronic equipment.
(It was) quite a bit colder… then (they) had expected. One night they measured the temperature inside their tent at 58 degrees below zero, and outside temperatures were exceeding 100 below zero at times…
Atwood said there was some irony that a trip to call attention to global warming was scuttled in part by extreme cold temperatures.
“They were experiencing temperatures that weren’t expected with global warming,” Atwood said. “But one of the things we see with global warming is unpredictability.
And yet, this is so predictable.
Just in case you don’t know, the hallmark of a conspiracy theory is that it cannot be proved to be false. Any evidence to the contrary is simply further proof of the depth of the conspiracy/cover-up. So, let’s review. Warm temperatures? Caused by global warming. Cold temperatures? Caused by global warming. Excessive precipitation/dryness? Caused by global warming. Inability to predict climate patterns based on assumptions of man-made global warming? Oh, that’s because of global warming, too. Trust me.
Manbearpig is a danger to us all.
An End to the Job Hunt?
Monday, February 26th, 2007For those of you that may not know, I am currently searching for a “real” job, or at least something that pays like one. Being a booking manager and sound tech at a local club is a great time, and I love my work, but the reality is that there is not a great deal of money to be made in the Central Iowa entertainment industry. About $2.50 this year, in fact. Fortunately, I’m good at what I do, because there are a lot of greedy hands going after that two-fiddy.
I think the end may be near, though:
[Name Removed] bikini bar now hiring dancers. Up to $500 per night. Great personality is only requirement! Apply in person after 5pm…
$500/night? Wow! And I’m pretty sure I can bluff having a great personality well enough to get through an interview. I’m pretty excited about this opportunity. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?